Posts in category: Happiness

Hi there and welcome to this week’s episode of the Her Retirement podcast. I woke up the other night in a cold sweat and it wasn’t the first time. You know the sweats I’m talking about ladies.

Since I’ve already mostly gone through menopause, it was probably spurred on by worry…money worries that is. It’s really the only thing I do lose sleep over every once in a while. I’m a pretty good sleeper. However, I did also awake in the wee hours of the morning a couple of weeks ago yelling out loud, “Brian, just shut up.”  Brian is my significant other and I guess in my dream he wouldn’t stop talking. Startled, he woke up and asked me who I was yelling shut up to? Luckily, he didn’t hear the Brian part. Hehehe. I don’t remember what I wanted him to stop talking about, but since he’s a financial advisor, maybe it was about money. LOL

Sometimes I wonder if both of us being involved in the financial wellness and retirement industry is a blessing or a curse because money is front and center in our lives all the time. Some people might assume that because of this we don’t worry about money. Well…guess what? It doesn’t matter what field you’re in, how much money you have or how you were raised as a child. Most, if not all of us, have money worries. In fact, according to an Allianz Financial survey, 61% of us worry about running out of money more than we worry about death. That’s a pretty big number.

For most of my adult life I have always been, let’s say, more concerned about money than worried. The worry has ebbed and flowed with the bumps in the road. The concern I guess is always there, but I think that’s actually helped me stay as disciplined as possible. 

Concern is far better than worry and certainly better than complacency. Concern is actually good for you and your money behavior. Concern is what helps you stay disciplined….at least this is how it’s worked for me. I also believe that your beliefs around money can influence the amount of money worry that you have. Change your beliefs. Change your behavior. Minimize your worries. Worrying doesn’t do anything to change your outcome. Getting educated, changing your beliefs and behaviors, getting help, staying disciplined, and taking action does. It’s all about Getting Her Done. 

I want to share a brief history of my money worry story with you…

I heeded my mother’s advice to do as much as possible early on to avoid money worries (and not be a bag lady). I did good in school, went to college, landed a well-paying career, bought a house by 26, had an adorable little son at 27, saved and invested, funded a college saving plan for said baby, oh yeah, and got married to before the baby. No worries, just concern (Was I doing enough? Was my baby healthy? Did my company value my work?). For all intents and purposes, I was on a great path (and it was all part of my plan). I didn’t really “worry” about money, but I was concerned and focused, and tried to be smart with the little financial know-how I did have. I knew the basics and had a good income. That was enough…for a while.

Everything appeared to be on track, but then the first bump in the road, divorce and anxiety disorder (and that’s the topic of another podcast). Of course with all the other emotions of divorce and my anxiety disorder, my money concerns became money worries. But I eventually recovered from said divorce and the disorder (if you can ever fully recover from a divorce). I kept working, kept saving, and investing. Worries in check. And then one day the company I was working for went public and guess what? I was a millionaire at 35. Money concerns, money worries? Psh…they both went out the window. I was financially free and confident.

And then one day…I wasn’t. In between. I got re-married, had adorable twin girls, left my well-paying career to raise the kids, and over-invested in a lifestyle business so I could make money and raise my kids at the same time, my husband decided to quit his job and start a business too. My business did okay, his didn’t. He continued to be unemployed. Then the company’s stock that made me a paper millionaire tanked and it never recovered. While I did sell some stock early on, it wasn’t enough to keep my millionaire status. Then I sold my business but never got the proceeds. Money concerns came back and turned into full-fledged money worries. I may have had a meltdown too one night on my bathroom floor (maybe a couple more). Eventually divorced again. Another meltdown. Went back to corporate America (begrudgingly) to reinstate my big salary and retirement savings. Started another business in the evenings too so I could eventually re-escape the corporate rat race, kept raising amazing kids, and met my significant other, who happened to be a financial advisor. They say there are those decisions that significantly change your life. Meeting my significant other changed mine, and my money worries. We actually partnered together to change my circumstances and worries. I re-escaped corporate America to pursue entrepreneurship again (encouraged by my significant other and financial advisor). Basically, I started over again with slight money worries. My business did good…enough. Then my significant other and I decided to become business partners too. We built a company called Your Retirement Advisor and then I decided to create another company focused on helping women be wealthiHER, healthiHER and happiHER called Her Retirement. Today, I (mostly) worry about other people’s money instead of my own. And I am feeling wealthier, healthier, and happier than I have in a long time. 

Although I try not to live with any regrets, I do regret that I didn’t seek out the advice of a financial planner before the meltdown of my company. I truly believe a planner or advisor could have helped me with some decisions that would have protected me from that meltdown, and would have given me some future security. It was a lost opportunity. 

I did meet with an investment advisor (provided to all employees after our company’s public offering), but all she did was show me how my stocks could be sold and moved over to her company and her investment choices, and how my assets would grow over time. She gave me this long report of numbers that quite frankly confused me. I felt more confident in my company’s stock than her. I left all my eggs in that one basket. I did sell some stock and pay off my house and enjoyed a few shopping sprees. 

What I remember very vividly is that she didn’t really ask me about my goals and what I wanted to achieve. She didn’t talk to me about the fact that I wanted to have a college fund for my child, that I wanted to pay off my house, or the fact that I wanted some security in my future versus continuing to play the stock market. She didn’t advise me on the fact that I had all my eggs in one basket. She was very focused on just getting her hands on my assets. I didn’t invest with her. I was confused and not confident, and I hate when people don’t ask me about myself and what “I” want. If she did, she and I may both have been better off today. I didn’t continue to search for any other advice and I should have. My naivete’ about the industry and my money cost me. Dearly. This is one of my major motivations for starting Her Retirement. I built it for me and for you and every woman who’s been naïve, confused, and left to her own devices. We can worry less, get educated, make more informed decisions and enjoy a better present and future.

That blessing or a curse that I mentioned earlier, is mostly a blessing because I help women know more, worry less, and have more…now in retirement. At least that’s my mission. But every now and again, when I’m not hyper-focused on other people’s worries and questions and researching and sharing solutions, I say to myself, “Shit is my retirement okay? Am I on track? Are we on track? What if we’re not doing enough? You know…the cobbler has no shoes. Am I taking my eye off my own ball? This is what led me to drag myself out of bed the other night and do a pajama change. I had a moment of extreme worry, probably caused by the economic conditions we’re all facing right now. Sometimes we all need a pajama change, a little meditation, a walk-in nature, or the help of a financial coach or retirement advisor to help allay our fears, calm our worries, and keep us focused and on track. 

By the way, side note, I have not looked at my retirement savings accounts since the whole downturn started. I’m not going to either. I want my glass to stay half full and I want to stay focused that the markets will bounce back (and they will)…with one eye on my ball and one eye on all the women I serve. Here’s to rebounds, bounce backs no more “dribbling” about being worried. Let’s all be warriors instead of worriers….like the Warriors who just became NBA champs. Even though I’m a Celtic fan, the Warriors kept their heads down, beat the odds, and were at the top of their game.

If you’re interested in the details of my money story (all the stuff between the periods that happened), you can read my upcoming book. There’s some stuff I didn’t share because there’s not enough time on this podcast. Yeah, it’s a bit of a cliffhanger, but I need to tell you how to be a warrior, not a worrier. And I want you to read my book.

So I guess with this long intro you can figure out why I decided to do this episode about money worries, and I hope you’ve already taken some notes and lessons from what I shared. That was my point in sharing my story. 

One of my favorite questions to ask people is what do you want to be…a warrior or a worrier? Of course, the answer is obvious, but how do we do it? Let’s dive into some tips. I’m ready to keep practicing what I preach.

Worrying about money can definitely take a major toll on us mentally and physically. It can cause you not to enjoy life to the fullest.

I hope my story and the tips I’m about to share help you stop worrying about money and start living more.

1. Get educated. Take money courses and ready money books. Focus on behavioral finance books, like the Psychology of Money.
2. Be proactive. Make a plan, and do your very best with what you have. If you do that, you should feel less stress in your daily life.
3. Put it in perspective. Many people think their money problems are worse than others, but chances are that others have much more difficult money matters they’re dealing with. It sometimes helps me to think about people who have less than you (do you remember your mom or dad saying, “Just think about all the kids starving in this world?”). When you do this, you may just discover that your money worries aren’t quite as bad as you think they are. You can also look at your money troubles today through tomorrow’s lens. Envision your future and how you will have solved your money troubles. Thinking of your struggles today in light of the future can help. 
4. Borrow someone else’s beliefs. Even if just temporary it does help to borrow someone else’s beliefs. Whether that’s a financial planner, an author in a book, someone teaching a class, or even me in this podcast or through other content I share.
5. Make your money goals a game or a competition if you have a competitive spirit. Can you beat your mind at the money game? Try to one-up yourself at every chance.
6. Create an inspiration board for your life. Visioning is a strong mental exercise and your board should help you stay positive, motivated, and disciplined.
7. Take a complete inventory of your money, and know your cash flow. Know your net worth. My Her Retirement software platform helps you do this.
8. Create a spending plan (vs. a budget) and keep it within control. A budget feels restrictive. A spending plan feels more abundant. My software helps you do this and track it too. Remember to spend according to YOUR values, not the Jones’s next door. According to experts, when you spend according to your own values, you’re being true to yourself, and you will likely feel more fulfilled about your money and life.
9. Create a cash cushion or emergency fund. What you worry about is choice. when I look back on my life at the periods when I have that cushion I would worry less. For instance just this week I had a couple of money shocks as I call them where I had to spend over $700 for an emergency visit to the vet that I hadn’t planned for and then there was a tire that was ruined on one of my vehicles and of course with an all-wheel-drive vehicle you have to not replace just one, but all four tires and that was another $700 plus shock to my budget. My mind first went to concern and then a little worry. But because I’m in control of my thoughts, I said “Ok relax Lynn. You’ve got a cash cushion…everything is fine.  I talked myself off the ledge because I have this cushion. 
10.  Embrace an abundance mindset. You can choose NOT to worry about money. And instead of having a scarcity mindset, choose an abundance mindset.
11.  Know what you can control, and accept what you can’t. Focus on what you can control. You can’t control the economy, the stock market, the housing market, or the job market. Worrying about all this and how it will impact your money will not help you. Accept that this is true and instead use your energy to make the best choices possible with your own finances instead.
12.  Talk it out. Even writing about money worries, and sharing my story and these tips about money worries helps me feel better. Find some family and friends with whom you can air out your worries. Don’t carry it around with you festering. Talk it out.
13.  And finally…Plan for retirement. You knew I was going to say this right? Retirement is YOUR responsibility. Accept it. Embrace it. Do it. Regardless of how young or old you are….you can always plan and improve. If feeling unprepared is why you’re worried, then know that you are 100% capable of preparing for retirement. Investing in yourself is the first place to start and then investing your money and protecting your money is next. Being future-focused, helps many people worry less about the present.

As we all know, worrying sucks. It affects our overall outlook on life and also shows on our faces and bodies. Who wants that? I encourage you to try these tips, embrace your inner warrior and kick worry to the curb where it belongs. If you need help, guidance, or just someone to talk to, please reach out to me at lynnt@herretirement.com. I’m always willing to listen and I also have people who can work with you one on one to overcome any wealth, health, or happiness issue.

Here’s to knowing more and having more and getting her done.

Bottom of Form

Preparing for retirement is not entirely financial.

Your degree of happiness in your “second act” may depend on some factors that don’t come with an obvious price tag. Here are some non-monetary factors to consider as you prepare for your retirement.

What will you do with your time?

Too many people retire without any idea of what their retirement will look like. They leave work, and they cannot figure out what to do with themselves, so they grow restless. It’s important to identify what you want your retirement to look like and what you see yourself doing. Maybe you love your career and can’t imagine not working during your retirement. There’s no hard and fast rule to your dream retirement, so it’s important to be honest with yourself. A recent Employee Benefit Research Institute retirement confidence survey shows that 72% of workers expect to work for pay in retirement, whereas just 30% of retirees report that they’ve actually worked for pay.¹

Having a clear vision for your retirement may help you align your financial goals. It’s important to remember that your vision for retirement may change—like deciding you don’t want to continue working after all.

Where will you live?

This is another factor in retirement happiness. If you can surround yourself with family members and friends whose company you enjoy, in a community where you can maintain old friendships and meet new people with similar interests or life experience, that may be a plus. If all this can occur in a walkable community with good mass transit and senior services, all the better.

How are you preparing to get around in your eighties and nineties?

The actuaries at Social Security project that the average life expectancy for men turning 65 is 84.1 years old, and the life expectancy for women turning 65 is 86.6 years. Some will live longer. Say you find yourself in that group. What kind of car would you want to drive at 85 or 90? At what age would you cease driving? Lastly, if you do stop driving, who would you count on to help you go where you want to go and get out in the world?²

How will you keep up your home?

At 45, you can tackle that bathroom remodel or backyard upgrade yourself. At 75, you will probably outsource projects of that sort, whether or not you stay in your current home. You may want to move out of a single-family home and into a townhome or condo for retirement. Regardless of the size of your retirement residence, you should expect to fund minor or major repairs, and you may need to find reliable and affordable sources for gardening or landscaping.

These are the non-financial retirement questions that no pre-retiree should dismiss. Think about them as you prepare and invest for the future.

1. Employee Benefit Research Institute, 2021
2. Social Security Administration, 2021

The content is developed from sources believed to be providing accurate information. The information in this material is not intended as tax or legal advice. It may not be used for the purpose of avoiding any federal tax penalties. Please consult legal or tax professionals for specific information regarding your individual situation. This material was developed and produced by FMG Suite to provide information on a topic that may be of interest. FMG, LLC, is not affiliated with the named broker-dealer, state- or SEC-registered investment advisory firm. The opinions expressed and material provided are for general information, and should not be considered a solicitation for the purchase or sale of any security. Copyright 2022 FMG Suite.

In this week’s episode of my podcast, I’m talking about housing matters. Because where we end up living in retirement is a big issue that many pre-retirees begin to think about.

I know it’s been on the top of mind for me the last couple of years as I faced becoming an empty nester in 2021 and with the lease on my current rental coming to an end in 2022. Both of these circumstances gave me a chance to consider where to call home.

It actually ended up being more thought provoking, soul searching, and stressful than I imagined. There were so many considerations that ended up influencing my decision. Even though I’m closing on a new home in a week, I don’t know if this home will be my “retirement” home. I have dreams of living on a lake in New Hampshire someday, so this might be a short stopover before that point. I’m keeping my mind and my options open at this point and am looking forward to living in a new town and a new neighborhood. Change can be good.

While I’ve been in the midst of this home-buying process, I was interviewed for an article that appeared this week on the Bankrate.com website written by a gentleman named Jeff Ostrowski. The focus of the article is on the trend of women emerging in force on the home-buying front, despite affordability challenges.

As Jeff points out in the article, many women are unknowingly joining a trend: single women are a growing force in the housing market.

The National Association of Realtors says single women made up 19 percent of all homebuyers in 2021, a share that has been trending up since it hit a low point of 15 percent in 2014. Single men make up just 9 percent of buyers, while couples, both married and unmarried, do nearly 70 percent of deals.

A separate survey by Bank of America found a similar house-before-spouse trend: 65 percent of single female prospective homebuyers said they’d rather not wait for marriage to buy a home, and 30 percent of women who already own homes bought when they were single.

Many young women are leaving their parents’ home to venture into their own homeownership because they consider renting a waste of money.

Many single women are deciding not to find partners before becoming homeowners. Because people are delaying getting married until an older age, women aren’t waiting for homeownership as part of the traditional coupled-up decision to buy a home.

So what’s driving the trend?

Jessica Lautz, vice president of demographics and behavioral insights at the National Association of Realtors, told Bankrate that for single women homebuyers, financial stability is an important part of the decision.

“Women have a very strong preference for homeownership,” Lautz says. “They think it’s a good financial investment. They also are willing to make financial sacrifices. They traditionally have a lower household income, and they’re willing to cut expenses in other areas of their life to achieve homeownership.”

“In something of a paradox, single women make less money on average than single men but are more eager to buy homes,” Lautz says. That could reflect the certainty and stability that go along with a monthly mortgage payment, as opposed to renting in an era when monthly rents have been rising sharply.

“Knowing exactly what your payment is going to be for the next 30 years, especially if you’re a single mom, could be incredibly important for women,” Lautz says.

Renters can also face the possibility that the landlord could not just raise the rent but decide not to renew their lease. While I wasn’t surprised by my landlord’s decision to renew my lease this coming April, it did spur me to look at home buying vs. renting again. For me, it was about stability and not being at the whim of a landlord who could choose to end my lease. At 56, I kind of want to be settled. By the time I move into the house I’m purchasing next week, I will have moved 6 times in the last 6 or 7 years. I know that I’ll have much more peace of mind owning my home versus renting. The financial side of the equation is another story. Some of the benefits of homeownership are writing off the interest on the loan.

I was careful to find a house that is completely re-done, low maintenance, in a great location, and appealing to future buyers. Although, I don’t really have any plans to move… at least not until I get moved in first. My realtor says it’s a great house to “age in place,” a single level ranch, not a huge yard, etc.

There are significant challenges facing single buyers, however. The process, especially for self-employed people like me, has been extra challenging. But I think I’m in the home stretch with a closing scheduled 7 days from now. I guess I should get some packing done.

As we’ve all witnessed and as the Bankrate article states, “Home values soared to record highs during the pandemic, and that price jump makes buying homes difficult for those doing the deal on just one paycheck.”

The competitive bidding market has also been really challenging. I was outbid on three occasions, and I’ve heard of people making 10-20 bids and being outbid. As one person interviewed in the Bankrate article said, “I would put in a high offer, and someone would swoop in and pay all cash.”

On the upside, purchasing a home in this market has been attractive because of interest rates, but because of Covid, many people were able to stash away a lot of cash that they used to lure sellers into accepting their offers.

The Bankrate article offers some suggestions for singles in their home-buying efforts:

• Take a realistic look at your finances. If you’re drowning in credit card debt or facing other financial challenges, address those issues first. “Making sure that you’re financially ready to buy a home is the most important place for any buyer to start, but this could be even more important for single buyers with one income,” says Robert Heck, vice president of mortgage at Morty, a mortgage marketplace.
• Raise your credit score. Your credit score is the most important factor in determining the mortgage rate you’ll pay, so pay all bills promptly and don’t run up large balances on your credit cards.
• Research first-time buyer programs. Toomey is tapping into Massachusetts’ grant program for first-time buyers. Most states and some cities offer down payment assistance for first-time buyers.
• Be prepared to do battle. While the U.S. housing supply has eased a bit in recent months, this remains very much a seller’s market, one characterized by tight inventories and aggressive competition among buyers. Full price offers remain common.
• Shop around for a mortgage. Once you’ve found a place, make sure to research your mortgage options. Shopping around for a home loan can save you thousands of dollars over the life of your mortgage.
• Consider a low-down payment mortgage. For single women who can’t come up with 20 percent down, there are plenty of mortgages that offer down payments as low as 3%, Bank of America’s Cummings says.
• Don’t forget maintenance costs. One downside of homeownership is shouldering the responsibility for repairs. Pipes leak, appliances break, and roofs wear out.

On another front, many single and coupled up women, and their spouses and partners, are open to moving across the country or the world. But how does one choose where to live?

Today, I found out about a pretty neat tool that helps you pick a place to live. It’s kind of a fun little creation by the New York Times. I tried it and based on how I answered the questions, towns in Arkansas, California and Florida were suggested to me. I was kind of hoping for Asheville, NC and was really surprised that my new town didn’t come up. Just kidding. By checking a warmer climate on the list, kind of eliminated any towns in the Northeast. Truth be told, I don’t mind winter as I enjoy snowshoeing, skiing, skating and cross-country skiing. But, around March I’m ready for warm weather.

Back to the tool….it uses 35 different factors that help predict which American cities best match users’ preferences. Some of the factors are, for example:

• A region’s average cost of living (West, Midwest, South, or Northeast)
• climate
• racial diversity
• political affiliation
• population density, to name a few

The New York Times said “We created a quiz using data for almost 17,000 places across more than 30 metrics… And we’ve quantified health care quality, snowfall and crime rates – criteria that might be top of mind for retirees. Realtor.com shared housing prices with us; Yelp contributed tallies of restaurants, music venues and gay bars; and AccuWeather helped us collect statistics on temperature, sunshine and snowfall, to name just a few of our sources.

The tool even allows people to focus on the qualities that matter most to them by double voting for those qualities. Once search results are narrowed to a user’s satisfaction, they can then drill down further to get details for individual cities and their demographics. Then, users indicate their favorites by liking them with a heart. Once they’re done, they click “Compare and Heart” to view a table that compares the various cities.

I’ll provide a link to the tool in the notes of this episode, but be warned, you need to be a subscriber to the New York Times to use the tool, but it’s pretty inexpensive subscription. In addition, you can check out: bestplaces.net and www.MapTitan.com

There are several other sites that help you find best places to live:

1. Niche is a great way to find ratings and reviews for towns, school districts, colleges, and neighborhoods
2. Livability
3. AreaVibes
4. Teleport
5. BestPlaces
6. HomeSnacks

CNBC just put out its 2022 listing of top 10 states to retire to. The criteria used: was affordability, quality of life and access to quality healthcare.

The top 10 states are…

1. Florida
2. Virginia
3. Colorado
4. Deleware
5. Minnesota
6. North Dakota
7. Montana
8. Utah
9. Arizona and NH in a tie

NH is on my list of states to eventually retire to. The affordability rank is 34, but quality of life is number 2 and healthcare is 8.

The worst states to retire in are Mississippi, NY and NJ.

To wrap things up, I just want to hit on a few thoughts on the Upside of Downsizing. Mainly because when we retirees decide to move from or sell our family homes, it will typically involve downsizing not only our physical space, but also our stuff. And getting rid of that “stuff” can sometimes be hard. I know because I’ve been downsizing for the last 6 years even though I have no plans to retire anytime soon. It seems every time I move, I get rid of more stuff, only to collect some again.

It’s hard to part ways with stuff you’ve been living with for a long time, but the process can be pretty cathartic. I just got rid of a lot of sheets, pillowcases, towels, pie plates and mismatched socks, and I had a new skip in my step the next day. Seriously, there are many, many upsides to downsizing and chief among them is lower housing costs if you’re going to a much smaller home. And because this podcast focuses on financial wellness, anything we can do to be more efficient with our money is a win in my book. Even if you don’t have plans to move in the near future, decluttering, simplifying and getting rid of stuff is good for everyone. And the guys that rent dumpsters love it too.

There’s a pretty interesting website I just came across called upsideofdownsizing.com.  Their “about us” page says “helps those 50-plus gain freedom by downsizing, leading to a happier and healthier life balance. Through educational events and professional consulting, we provide ideas and insight on downsizing topics, including eight steps to successful downsizing, tackling the emotional challenges of downsizing, selecting the right home, and more. In addition, we can stage your home for a quick and profitable sale. Our educational events and services are designed to enrich those 50-plus and their families by promoting healthy, safe, and meaningful lifestyles.” While I cannot vouch for their services, this sounds like a great service to check out.

To close out this week’s episode on housing, I do believe that home is where the heart is. If you focus on this, you’ll be okay. I will be practicing what I preach as I move out of my lakefront rental that I’ve loved living in the last 4 years.  But I know home ownership will be better for me in my little retirement ready ranch home. And the silver lining is that I’ll be next to a different lake with a mountain in the backyard. There is an upside to downsizing.

Thanks for listening and don’t forget, knowing more is having more and you too can get her done.

Check out the podcast episode here!

Check out more episodes here!