“Busyness” has become one of the most socially rewarded behaviors in modern life.
We praise people for being busy. We apologize for resting. We fill empty space with screens, notifications, noise, errands, obligations, and endless stimulation. Somewhere along the way, many of us stopped asking whether all this activity is actually making us happier.
Behavioral psychologist Daniel Crosby in an article he wrote on busyness, recently referenced a quote from philosopher Blaise Pascal that stopped me in my tracks:
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
What’s fascinating is that Pascal wrote this centuries ago — long before smartphones, social media, email, Netflix, and the modern attention economy.
Yet somehow, his observation feels even more relevant today.
The average adult now spends hours per day in front of screens, checks their phone constantly, and lives in a near-permanent state of stimulation. Even when we finally sit down, we rarely sit in silence. We scroll. We consume. We react. We fill every open moment.
Consider these stats Crosby shared in his article: The typical American adult now spends roughly six hours and 58 minutes a day in front of a screen, with more than half of that time on a mobile phone. The same adult checks that phone 58 times a day and sends 42 text messages. Adults watch just under three hours of television daily, which adds up to nearly 15 percent of an entire lifetime. The Harvard Business Review reports that white-collar workers spend 28 percent of each workday, almost three hours, reading and responding to the 120 emails they receive.
I think many women (especially) carry this same state of busyness directly into retirement. They leave careers, but not mental exhaustion. They finally gain time, yet still feel overwhelmed.
Even in retirement, many women remain emotionally “on”:
- caregiving
- volunteering
- helping adult children
- overcommitting socially
- consuming endless information
- staying glued to devices
- feeling guilty for resting
But what if retirement is not supposed to be about staying busy? What if it’s about becoming unbusy?
Not lazy.
Not isolated.
Not disengaged from life, but intentional.
There’s a difference between a full life and a constantly filled life. Retirement may be the first season in decades where women finally have enough space to ask deeper questions:
- What actually brings me peace?
- What activities energize me instead of drain me?
- What do I want less of?
- What have I been too distracted to notice?
- What would happen if I stopped performing productivity all the time?
The truth is, clarity rarely arrives in chaos. It usually arrives in stillness. And stillness can feel uncomfortable at first because many of us were conditioned to equate rest with laziness or worthlessness. We became so accustomed to deadlines, responsibilities, and constant motion that slowing down almost feels foreign.
But constantly operating in a state of busyness comes with consequences:
- increased stress
- poor sleep
- reduced focus
- emotional exhaustion
- less creativity
- weaker relationships
- anxiety
- disconnection from purpose
Ironically, retirement is often sold as “freedom,” yet many people unknowingly recreate the same overstimulated lifestyle they were trying to escape. My neighbor was just lamenting how last summer (her first summer being retired), she way over-booked herself and ended up exhausted. This summer she promised herself a slower, more relaxed pace.
Becoming unbusy doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means creating space for what matters most.
It may mean:
- morning walks without headphones
- sitting outside with coffee and no phone
- painting again
- journaling
- reading slowly
- gardening
- hiking
- creating art
- having deeper conversations
- protecting white space on your calendar
- learning how to be present instead of constantly productive
In many ways, becoming unbusy is a form of reclaiming yourself.
A Simple “Becoming Unbusy” Exercise
Take 15 quiet minutes and answer these questions honestly:
- What parts of my life feel noisy or overstimulating right now?
- What activities leave me feeling calm, grounded, or fulfilled?
- When was the last time I sat quietly without reaching for my phone?
- What am I afraid might surface if I slowed down?
- What would an ideal peaceful day in retirement actually look like for me?
- What could I remove, reduce, or say no to?
- What would I like to make more space for?
Don’t rush your answers. The goal is not productivity. The goal is awareness.
The “Becoming Unbusy” Checklist
✔️ Leave your phone behind for one walk this week (I did this on a walk at the beach the other day…it was awesome)
✔️ Spend 30 minutes doing something creative
✔️ Sit quietly for 10 minutes without screens
✔️ Remove one unnecessary obligation from your calendar
✔️ Replace one hour of scrolling with reading, journaling, or nature
✔️ Protect one block of “unscheduled” time this week
✔️ Ask yourself: “Do I actually enjoy this, or am I just used to being busy?”
✔️ Create at least one daily moment of stillness
Retirement planning is not only about money. It’s also about learning how to live differently. Maybe one of the greatest opportunities of retirement is not simply having more time. Maybe it’s finally having enough space to hear yourself again.
This is a photo of unbusy me, on a hotel balcony, at the beach, enjoying a beverage and a beautiful view, and “semi-retirement.”
Source: (1) Busyness is Costing You a Lot (and Only Some of What it Costs is Money) | LinkedIn